it's a flower!

Why is the flower shaped like an anus?

why is your anus shaped like a flower?

alle

how would I carry home such a big package?

You? You need this one. Share with Germany.

very realistic, do you spend a lot of time around big black cocks?

I like the upside down u

that's the one I wanted to get because its shape is the most snugabble

 

I bought that one and also the flower one so I hope >>267865 is happy

>I hope>>267865 is happy

I am. You did well. And don't forget to always think about anus when you cuddle with it.

I like ans snek

it's kind of an awkward shape to cuddle to be honest

Looks cute, though.

 

The U one might be used as a neck pillow.

Aren't you a little too old for plush toys?

I don't know, is 31 too old?

As long as you are below 35 it is fine I guess. But in 4 years you have to get rid of them.

make me, I dare you

Don't blame me for it. I don't make the rules

I'll see you in 4 years.

let's make that 3 years since my birthday is coming up soon; but regardless, you're never going to catch me

 

also

excuse you

Sorry. I still had on the hat from a previous job. I hope it is better now.

Pls remind me when you get 35 so I don't forget to get you. When is your birthday?

Your car?

...

No. That is clearly an american car as you can see by the pl8s, while I am a british police frog. Also do you think I could afford a dedicated car when I have to do two different jobs to make ends meet?

yes, that is better, thank you

 

what kind of criminal would I be if I just told you everything? do some detective work!

Is it the 17th of May?

suspiciously close

14th of May, then?

my birthday can be whenever you wish as long as you promise to bake me a cake

Of course. What date would be the most appropriate one to give that cake to you?

26th or 27th would be perfect since I'll be busy the day of; does that work for you?

Marked in my calendar. I would make something chocolatey since I know that you like that. Any special wishes?

it would be fun if someone popped out of the cake, don't you think? like this YouTube: Wo4NTx3ESzk

 

also I'm happy to report that the flower-anus thing is kind of cozy to sleep with actually

The surprise is certainly fun but I think that you are a little too old for a clown. Maybe I can find a hooker somewhere but I'm not sure if we would want to eat the cake afterwards for hygienic reasons. I also remembered that you like broccoli. I'll have to add that to the cake.

I'm glad that you enjoy your anus. That's why I recommended it.

I thought we've already established that it's fine until I'm 35, please don't suck the fun out of my life just yet. Besides, I would probably die of mortification if a hooker directed their attention at me.

 

I'm not sure how well broccoli would go with chocolate, but I've already tried it with peanut butter and it's seriously delicious, so I would be excited to try another weird combination.

 

Maybe I should let you make all decisions in my life since you've done so well? As long as you don't make me throw away anything that you deem not age appropriate, of course.

35 was for the plush toys. A clown is 30 max. But I feel like we could make an exception if we used a spooky clown. This would also have the advantage that he already comes with a knife to cut the cake with and I'm sure we can have a lot of fun with him anyway.

I'm always happy to give you advice. What is the next thing were I can help you making a decision?

I always thought that if a clown carries a knife it must be for some nefarious purpose, but they just want to always be prepared to cut a birthday cake, aww.

 

What do you think about those shoes? Can I still wear them or would you, the age police, confiscate them? My father often says I should start dressing like an adult to which I always reply that it's never going to happen.

 

I guess the most pressing decision that I have to make is what I'm going to say during next week's meeting with the CEO - it's a weird mandatory thing before they sign me on as a permanent employee (since I've decided to stay at my current job because it's not annoying anymore). He's going to ask if I enjoy working there and other equally pointless questions. My boss insisted on doing kind of a dry run and apparently saying "it's fine, otherwise I would've quit already" would be rude. Which is funny, because I said something similar during my final interview and was recently told that my boss' boss took it as me scolding him. Eh, I guess I feel like I'm an alien in a human skin who missed a memo on how to behave like a normal person.

 

I also got accepted into a post-grad programme and I need to send a confirmation by the end of the month. The thing is, I could learn everything on my own, but then I wouldn't get a diploma out of it. And it would help to make an easy switch to another department in the future, but people who work there seem off and the head of that department gives me the creeps and already called me a nerd like it was a bad thing. But I suppose I don't need to stay at the current company indefinitely. How are you doing, by the way?

 

As for a more tangible decision, you can help me pick a new plant. Just please don't say to buy them all, since I'm literally running out of space.

You are allowed to wear those until you are 40. Afterwards you'll just look like an art teacher.

 

Just list up every point about the job within your head and ditch all the negative ones. Then you have a list of things that you can mention. That is not that hard. Eg. you got pretty soon into a responsible position and you like that. Why do you like systems design. Tell him that.

CEO tier guys usually are not so interested in peasants and prefer to talk about themselves and their company. So if you don't want to talk about yourself nail him with questions about the company. How it was founded. What are the strategies for the product etc.

 

Get the top middle one. And if you want two, add the top left one. They look the most interesting.

That would be fitting since I live across the street from an art school.

 

You're invaluable as always, I guess it's a good thing you're not socially challenged. I came up with a decent answer based on your advice, now I just have to memorize it in case my brain falls out my head during the meeting.

 

Okay, you need to stop doing that, you spying spy. Seriously, it's uncanny. Those two plants are the first ones I bought when I started my collection. They died pretty quickly and I'm still salty about it, but maybe it'll be better the second time around.

I told you that I was watching you closely, didn't I?

So if you get those two plants instead of just having nice looking plants you'll get also the satisfaction of having managed to keep them alive this time? There is no question on which plants to get if you ask me.

 

kek. Nothing could be further from the truth. But I've had my fair share of these kind of feedback things. Also I'm good at overthinking and overanalyzing. One time I spend a month formulating some critiscism where I tried my hardest to sound constructive and not pessimistic to write in some feedback form for my manager.

We talked very shortly about that afterwards but I doubt that it had any impact whatsoever. My conclusion to these things is that if you spend too much time on it, it is usually wasted. Your boss will have forgotten most of whatever you will tell him in the next day.

Also I wanted to say something about the "it's fine, otherwise I would've quit already"-answer. At first glance it looks like a good answer because you think that it shows that you are 100% in control of your own life. Which shows a good quality of yours in your opinion.

But your boss is looking for feedback and wants to have something that he can work with. And it contains nothing that he can use. You are basically just saying to him "if you piss me off I will go at once but I won't tell you what you have to do to keep me here" which is indeed kind of a rude answer.

you take that back right now, none of these plants look boring, they're all lovely! I don't know if they'll survive though, if not then I guess it's just not meant to be

 

yeah, well, I get your point and you are of course right but I do have a tendency to run away instead of trying to fix things, so it probably translates to situations like this too

 

on another hand, if I point out every single thing that I think is wrong then I'm just starting a long and maybe unpleasant (depending on the CEO's ego/personality) conversation which I don't really feel like having - not my circus, not my monkeys

 

anyway, I had that meeting yesterday and I was so stressed that I literally don't remember anything he asked or what I said, but it seems like it went well enough because boss' boss invited me to another meeting to congratulate me which apparently has never happened before; I can't decide if it's hilarious or preposterous, but either way I couldn't have done it without you

I won't. I'm entitled to my opinion and I find them boring. Especially the spiral cactus. It's the boringnest. And since I make the decisions for you you have to find it boring as well.

 

A meeting just to congratulate you sounds ridiculous. I would find it presumptuous to not get an unlimited contract in the first place but I can see that he wants to see you against with your irresistible personality. Sounds like you will have a steep career in that company and will be promoted to be manager soon. Would you look forward to that?

 

As I said usually it does not make much sense to say negative things as long as they are not really small things that can be easily changed. I'm usually really good at recognizing everything negative which makes it hard to me to find any positives at all. But it is probably good practice to force yourself to see the positives.

 

tbh this is the only way to go in a job. No company will change itself just to please you. And really annoying things will eat you over the years if you don't leave. But you don't mention such things to your boss.

plush toys are suitable for all ages

What plush toys do you own?

I won't tell you because you are plushphobic

I was about to say you're not the boss of me, but I suppose that would be wrong. You are the boss of me. Any other plants I should find boring from now on?

 

I don't know about irresistible but he did say he admires my serene disposition. Whatever that means. Maybe it's time to do something stupid like dropping a production database so no one even thinks about giving me any real responsibilities.

 

Yep. But then why do people ask for feedback if they're not prepared for it? I hate it because I take most question literally and often don't notice social subtleties.

 

will you tell me?

Well the most boring plant is probably grass. I always cringe when I see people mowing their grass lawn. So when you get a successful manager at your comp with a big house, promise me that you will replace the grass lawn with another ground covering plant.

 

Would you want to codegarch for a company for 10 years that never asks you for feedback? I wouldn't.

Managers typically are surrounded by so many problems that they mainly operate by the Eisenhower principle. Ignoring problems that they deem less important/urgent than other problems is a big part of their job. So it's not really their fault to ignore your feedback. In my opinion the company is not obligated to act on your feedback and at the same time the employee should not be judged in any way on the feedback he gives. Unfortunately, typically only the first part holds up.

no grass at all? I don't know if that's feasible; and I'm not sure it's boring - I'd say it's just very basic but makes a good canvas for planting other things

 

if I ever got a house with a big lawn (which I won't because who has the time for maintaining all of that, certainly not me) then I'd plant lots of wildflowers and make a meadow out of it; I also wouldn't mow it, maybe once in a while I'd trim it with a scythe for a more natural look; would that be acceptable? if no grass is allowed at all then I'd just plant nettle everywhere but that's just nasty

 

those mounds look interesting though

You are making it very hard for me to take control of you life if you question and renegotiate all my decisions for you, you know?

I will agree but only if you plant at least some nettle, because nettle tea is really good for you. Also you have to wear a grim reaper costume every single time you swing the scythe to honor the lives that you mow down with it.

I'm sure you will earn enough for a housemaid that helps you maintain your property.

I know, I'm nearly impossible to tame, so good luck to you

 

if nettle tea is good then why does it taste so bad? besides, I already drink chamomile every day

 

the grim reaper costume seems fun, but if someone calls the cops on me I'll hold you responsible, is that clear?

Of course I will take full responsibility for all the decisions I do for you. That's my burden to carry and nothing you should ever worry about.

Even my generosity regarding the lawn question you are starting to talk back about the nettles against. I feel like we need some kind of punishment for you to make you feel your limits when you are starting to get too rebellious. What do you think would be an adequate punishment for you?

one would think that a strict disciplinarian, such as yourself, would come up with punishments on his own

I have something in mind, but I think it the effect will be greater if you take some time thinking about one, yourself. It will have a much greater educational value for you this way and we will have to punish you less often.

forcing me to self reflect? that's downright cruel, and it's almost like you see right through me