How did you check if it was biometric or not?

How were you able to set up a place to have full lighting with a full white background?

 

I guess you don’t have internet cafes anymore as well?

downloaded a template from government's website, added it as a half-transparent layer over the picture and then resized/moved the picture until it fit; I also used a tripod and self-timer on my phone's camera so I had time to make sure my head was positioned correctly

 

I just sat in front of the window, background wasn't white but it didn't matter since I replaced it in GIMP

Does not sound so different to how I did it. You downplay it but still way more effort and skill involved to just sitting in a photo booth for ans minutes.

 

I've never been to an internet cafe tbh.

I mean, yeah, it's way more effort than using a booth, but it's not that bad (or maybe I just have a lot of experience with image manipulation)

 

no, really? I fondly remember being ~11 and going to an internet cafe after school with my friend and flooding a Harry Potter fan forum and then being scared that the owner would kick us out (never did)

Don't you have to pay to use internet in an internet cafe? Isn't this too expensive for some little Bernd to use so much?

 

There was a big supermarket near my school that for some reason had a ps1 and a TV with Tekken 3 installed. For a couple of months I went there with a schoolmate every day after school to play for a couple of hours.

it cost like PLN 2 (EUR 0.43) for an hour (now that I think about it, it probably wasn't a very profitable business)

My Rathaus still has a photo booth for passport pictures. And there is a photographer with a tiny shop who does passport pictures very quickly. In and out 10 minutes.

bi-yo-me-tric photo?

Your face needs to fit a certain stencil/template/mask (not sure what the right term is). You can't tilt your head or look to the side. I guess they want to make it more objective and comparable.

but you have to interact with a person

Can you smile on such a photo of biometricity?

Nein. Laughing not allow!

At the photobooth you don't.

 

Actually they allowed it again. But it can't be too much smile. I told the photographer I don't give a fuck if I look nice or not and just didn't smile.

 

I think smiling on photos is a disease anyway.

 

Measuring noses and foreheads, not allowing deformed people... again...

Actually there have been complaints that it is a problem for deformed people, iirc.

The hardest part about getting a new passport picture for me is not looking like a deranged hobo who just murdered someone

Step 1: Go to town. (0-10€)

Step 2: Buy new clean T-shirt, sweater, shirt, whatever. (10-100€)

Step 3: Go to barbershop. Get haircut and shave (optional). (ca. 50€)

Step 4: Go to cheap photographer to get passport pictures. (10-20€)

 

Overall budget: 50–170€ if you want to get professional help for almost guaranteed success.

Neurotypical detected

he's nice enough to give you valuable tips, maybe you should pay attention

Here is a quick instruction for you in case you poop your pants:

Step 1: Run to the bathroom, lock the door, drop down your pants and try to remove as much poop as possible, flush it down the toilet

Step 2: Remove your underpants and your pants, you will most likely get poop on your socks as well in this process so best to remove them as well, grab it all and put it in a trash bag

Step 3: Now you have to make a tough decision, do you want to wash those pooped out clothes or should you rather just throw the bag out at some discreet location? I suggest the latter, making it easier for you to get rid of any unfond memories of the event or anything that could be traced back and used against you, drive out at least 10km away from your home and dispose the bag in a lake or bury it in the woods

Step 4: Clean up any remaining poop stains on your bathroom floor and walls

Step 5: Take a long hot shower

 

You are very welcome

thank you, if I ever shit myself I'll think fondly of you; although disposing the bag in a lake of burying it in the woods seems a bit excessive

Nice and detailed one, but I have a couple of suggestions.

In step 1, you need to add some methods of poop removal, highlight their pros and cons. It doesn't sound like such an easy task to me.

In step 3, when you showed the preferred option is to get rid of the closes, why not recommending throw them together with your common waste? This way you dispose of the memories and don't have to drive anywhere. If there're some hidden rocks you need to discuss them as well.

Also, shouldn't step 3 be the last one, after the step 5? Otherwise the reader may end up in need of cleaning their car as well.

 

To sum up, even for such a common thing instructions and tips could be valuable and appreciated.

Yes you are right, I just felt like the shower should come at the end as the final cleansing after everything is done. Maybe take two showers, maybe burn the car afterwards, maybe steal someone else's car but that might possibly create additional complications, there is a lot of room for individualism here, I don't want to dictate people who to be they will figure it out and that's the beauty of life

Got ans mail from the biometric picture service today with a remark that my photo might not be biometrical because I don't look directly into the camera and I can send them a different one.

I don't really understand what they mean because to me it looks like I look into the camera. Only thing I can think of is that the fact that the window opposing me is reflecting very bright in my eyes. Tried taking pictures today against without anything reflecting in my eyes but I only get enough light when I do it outside and then I have serious issues cropping the background out.

I just sent them ans email that they shall send it to me regardless and now I will either try it with the photos they send me or I will bite the bullet and just go to ans professional photographer. Haven't decided, yet. Why is this so complicated? wasted too much time on this already.

Solid advice, but I have to add that in the process of evidence disposal it would be wise to be on the watch for the pesky government and be prepared to react in a timely manner - by means of aforementioned evidence, if necessary.

I'm cross-eyed. Fuck.

here's what you need to do; obviously you should do a better job than pic rel, so don't use a solid color and instead clone a part of your iris and fill in reflections; and don't forget to draw the pupils in the middle of your irises so it looks like you're looking straight into the camera

 

I don’t want to start editing my face for ans passport. I even doubt that the foid in the town hall will be so anal about the biometrics capabilities of the picture. I think I will just go to a photographer.

didn't take you for a quitter

It really does appear that you are not looking at the camera but rather somewhere behind it slightly to the left. Maybe it's the asperger's shining through.

Now give guide for shitting yourself in public

 

yeah that's an assburger's

 

my eyes in my driver's license photo look almost exactly the same

I‘m willing to cover a great distance in order to avoid the social interaction with a real person like a photographer. But even I have my limits. I think this is the more rational choice and has little to do with quitting.

Very similar.

Just submit a picture of Mark Zuckerberg at this point.

Is there anything you‘ve always wanted to ask Mark on the ridiculous assumption that he would post here?

You don't get to 500 million shitposts without getting a few bans

that's the most handsome man I have ever seen

I like it very much. Would be better though if the other parts would be from other Bernds that post here so we could compose the typical BG Bernd.

You're at the bar and this guy slaps your gfs ass. What do you do?

Photoshop Mao Zedong's hair on his heda and laugh at him.

Wtf OP is Merkel and Putin's secret son??!

oh my god!

While googling for photographers costs aroung 20€ and with some I even have to make ans appointment today I came to the conclusion that lighting was my only real problem. And I think trying to use sunlight just made everything way too complicated.

 

I have several meters of led strip lights here and I believe that if I just manage to arrange them around my heda as a circle like these tiktok lights I can manage to make a proper picture of myself. Also then I can stay inside and put something white behind my head so I don't have to tinker around with gimp against.

I think I will have to try and find out. Once more into the fray.

I can't believe I'm so invested in this

just stand in front of a window during the day bro lmao

I’ve already tried this. Then I will have a bright reflection of the window in my iris. Also it is not enough to remove all the shadows on my face. I have higher standards for my work than this.

What can I say? My life is truly a rollercoaster. I‘m very grateful for your moral support.

You can cut out some pieces of cardboard and wrap them in tinfoil and place them around you to reflect additional light, it's basically the poor man's version of the reflectors that a photographer has in his studio

I think my idea works decently enough. The cold-white LEDs make me look very pale but I might tinker around with the colors a little bit in gimp.

I also have warm-white LEDs but I don't want to have to rebuild the hoop.

 

r8 my setup Bernd.

looks like a medieval torture device

thanks.

It feels very satisfying to have managed to solve all my problems. I'm so close I can almost feel my new passport in my hands.

what's your first travel destination after you get it?

I'm not sure. I've never had a passport in my life and only flew once. I've never had to think about such things.

I would like a place where I can go snorkeling. Any suggestions?

What's with all the bondage stuff?

You might not have guessed this but it is not primarily a photo studio. The wooden thing mainly serves as a power-rack. I can attach pulleys to the carabiners of it and then use the ropes on the wall to do certain cable exercises.

i r8 it completely autistic/5

I'm not a fan of natural bodies of water but I'm going to recommend Croatia since its coast is absolutely stunning and probably the favorite place I've ever visited; but you don't need a passport to go there, so I don't know; maybe start with a classic - Great Barrier Reef in Australia?

 

and here I thought Scandinavians were supposed to be nice

care to elaborate? Why don't you like water?

 

I forgot to add. I want to use it in the winter to fly to place where it is hot for 2-3 weeks. I don't think I need to travel far when it is nice in germany.

water itself is fine, I just don't want animals or slimy plants that live in it touching my skin

 

you could go to SE Asia if you don't mind the humidity, although not all countries will be suitable since there's the monsoon season

im not scandinavian, buddy

Croatia 100%

Pretty much anywhere will do

 

oh

I'm your buddy?

 

and that's how you know Croatia is great

so you don't like green slimy water animals that just want to touch you because they want to be your fren? Harsh.

 

Ok. What's the bestest place to visit in croatia?

I've been in Plitvice Lakes National Park, Krka National Park, Šibenik, Trogir, Split, Korčula, Orebić, and Dubrovnik and if I had to pick my favorite I'd choose Korčula and Orebić since those are islands and the views are incredible (+ you can go snorkeling there)

 

Dubrovnik was cool too, but I'm not sure how crowded it became since they shot GoT there

 

or you could visit Split and Trogir since those two are close by; the promenade in Split is beautiful and it's a good spot for people watching

 

so that's why that one jelly fish stung me?

 

Agree with >>262565 mostly, I'd stress that Korčula is based, Dubrovnik is nice but it's also overpriced and overcrowded so unle

For a bit more remote/obscure destinations visit Vis (and smaller island Biševo, take a boat trip there, they have sea caves in the cliffs which is neat), Mljet, and inland to Imotski (they have a lake in a sinkhole next to the city, and another one in a 250m deep one surrounded by cliffs on all sides)

Also on the other side in Istria you got Brijuni – go visit Tito's residence there and his "safari park"

If you want to do some mountains besides Plitvice (which will be on your way to Dalmatia anyway) you can visit Paklenica – but make sure it's not a full sun day, it gets too hot in the summer

Update: Went to the town hall today and applied for ans passport. When I handed the female at the counter my self made pictures I could clearly see in her eyes how impressed she was by the high quality, good lighting, and biometric capabilities of my self-made pictures.

In 6 weeks I will finally get my passport guys!

 

Also wörkplace announced this week that soon getting soon it will be possible to wörk up to 28 days a year remote wherever I want outside of germany. So I want to travel in december or november to some warm place and live there for 4-6 weeks.

I knew you could do this, I'm proud of you

Thank you. Oh my goodness. I thank the Academy for this honor and BG for being brave enough for giving me a platform. And I’m grateful to all the Bernds that supported me along my journey. Receiving this passport is a great honor and is once against proof that if a Bernd works hard enough to achieve a goal. No matter how difficult it may seem. No matter how high he sets it. He will achieve it as long as he never gives up. Special thanks to Polan that has always been a gem and the light at the end of the tunnel. Always showing me a way. Thank you again, each one and all. I’m so grateful to you. Goodnight.

it's an honor and a privilege to watch you overcome adversities and reach for the stars

A passport? What do you need that for? Do you travel? Are you a traveller? Do you like to travel a lot? Are you some kind of person that travels? Are you saying that there should be a one-world government that considers all people the same? Are you against borders? Explain yourself right now.

If I traveled a lot I would already have a passport, fren. But I plan to travel at least to a couple of places to see if it is something I enjoy.

 

I would only support a one-world government if I were the ruler. Although I'm more of a cat person I don't hate borders. There are definitely worse dog breeds.

You sound like a communist to me.

M-maybe. Do you like communists?

I'm not going to share my views on whether I like communists or not, but it's un-american.

But neither of us are americans.

The diplomatic relationship between America and any country is beneficial to everyone involved, and the world. America's priorities are our priorities.

It might be a good idea for you to travel to america to find out more about the people and deepen your relationship for everyone's benefit. But you will need a passport for that. Do you own one?

They won't let me in.

I'm at the forefront of promoting American values such as democracy individual freedom and tolerance within incel communities.

If you think about it, I'm a model American citizen, and I am being denied entrance. Their loss, honestly.

Why won't they let you in?

too based

This wouldn't have happened to you if you were a fanboi of a communist cunt. North korea or cuba would let you in in an instand based on your basednessness alone.

maybe I should become a cool rapper and make a popular video then they'll let me in, I heard they love that kind of stuff.