sometimes I pretend that life is a video game and I'm the only one alive and everyone else is an NPC

You have already passed basically, it will be a bullshit tolerance test

 

They'll ask you stupid questions like "how do you see yourself in 5 years", you have to suck it up and try to answer and not rage quit.

 

Oh, didn't notice it was 2 hours ago. Have you failed? What kind of a job was it?

in the mirror you fucken retard

software developer

 

they asked me to tell them about myself and stupid shit like that, I felt like my brain fell out of my head; they said they'll call me within a week

 

at least it's over for now

 

they asked a similar question today and that's basically what I said (without the retard part), main HR person made a really weird face and my supposed future boss laughed; but I wasn't trying to be funny

 

also, the boss is kind of hot

It's a female boss r-right...?

no

Gay Polish programmer?

if anything I'm bisexual

ok, in what language do you code?

mostly C# these days, but I have some side projects written in python

Breathe in slowly and deeply through the nose the control your spaghetti

massive red flag. Also HR guys should be mostly silent and let the grownups (aka the codegarchs) do most of the talking.

Best codegarch job is if everybody is an autist to a certain degree and noone cares about your social deficiencies. You don't want to work for a company were people can bullshit themselves into a job.

Would you work for FAGMAN?

Yes. Money lets me forget most of my principles.

Sehr gut.

I agree and that's what I would want in a perfect world but good luck finding a company like that

i ran away from interview this monday

why?

 

I wanted to run away too

the interviewer (engeneer) was busy with some shit and i was waiting for him for almost two hours, i met guy there i was working with two years ago, we had a talk about jobs and he said this place is shit, then i talked to another guy and he confirmed it, so i waited a bit more and then decided to go home

I never had trouble finding that. But I work in an engineering environment. Every company I worked for was founded by some autist engineer(s) and they kept that attitude. Main problem is to find a place like that that is big enough that they pay decent salaries.

oh man, I thought you got scared or something, but it looks like you dodged a bullet there; next time don't wait more than 15 minutes because any interviewer who is late is a clown

 

I feel like IT has been ruined by people with useless degrees who found their niche in HR; it hasn't always been like this and there certainly are companies without that bullshit, but - as you said - it's hard to find ones who also pay well; also, ones without an HR department are often managed by old guys who love violating labor rights

I start on Thursday, any tips?

Drink at least 2L water a day

I prefer drinking a cup of tea per hour

what kind of tea do you like?

I have several different but at wörk offices I have ans: lapsang souchong, yunnan green, and some yerba mate

This is a grammatically problematic sentence.

you should try white tea with fruit pieces, it's delicious

Be patient at first, they might not have a task for you straight away.

Ask lots of questions.

Don't smell bad. If you are a smoker at least wash your hands afterwards so you don't stink up the office.

I have a coworker who smashes the return button really hard like he wants to break his keyboard. It is super annoying when you sit with him in the office and want to wörk. Don't be that guy.

If you meet somebody in the corridor that you haven't met before on that day, say hello. Don't get insecure or feel attacked if somebody discovers bugs that you created. That's just how it is. You can't make an omelette without breaking eggs.

Ask a lot of questions

I want to bring steamed broccoli for lunch, does that count as a bad smell?

Steamed broccoli is ok.

Almost thursday...

 

Does your workday start at 8 AM?

ughhh, yes

maybe I'll get eaten by a bear on my way there

Tomorrow...

 

I am excited as if it's me who's getting a new job :-D

that's good because I'm not excited at all; not nervous either; idk, I feel nothing

 

I'll let you know how it goes

Have you already prepared the broccoli for tomorrow?

no because I'm not convinced it's safe for shared spaces; I'll have to come up with something though as there aren't many foods that I eat and most of them are kind of smelly

I survived and it actually wasn't that bad; I was mostly meeting people and waiting for the IT department to give me access to things + had health&safety training which almost put me to sleep; haven't even touched a computer

 

I caught the guy in the desk next to me staring from time to time and I felt weird but in the end he gave me some tips and brought me tea and was really helpful

 

there is 7 men and 3 women on my team (including me) and I even managed to remember all their names; most of them are married and some have kids which puts me at ease because if they have their own lives then they won't try to insert themselves into mine

 

the security guy treats his job extremely seriously and he's scary in an unhinged way or like a rabid dog or maybe an asylum escapee; he was my favorite part of the day

 

I haven't seen the hot boss from my interview today but I've met the CEO and he seems like an asshole with an overinflated sense of importance but I won't be meeting him again anytime soon so who cares; he said he likes my name (lol what)

 

and I've been assigned a mentor but he's currently out sick, I hope he isn't that rude guy from my second technical interview

 

overall everything was fine, I have some more training stuff to do before I can actually do my job, but I think I'll manage

That's a lot of women. Does not sound like a serious tech job tbh.

What did you eat?

there are zero (0) women on my team

hurr durr women bad

 

I got a croissant in a nearby bakery but I haven't eaten it because I've lost my hunger cues years ago and I actually have to remember to eat (which I often don't)

 

why don't you become a woman?

Did they lecture you a brief history of the company "our company was founded in the year 1992 by Filip Bartek bla bla blee bla"?

a guy told me that CEO once came in and started quizzing people on their knowledge of company's history; pretty bizarre

I know one female developer in an adjacent team. She is not even bad but she is on sick leave all the time. She even calls in sick if one of her children is sick. It's crazy how much time you can have off this way.

 

You will rarely find a really good female developer. It's statistics dude. You saying that the security guy is unhinged, the interview guy is rude, and the CEO some kind of psychopath does not really make the job appear any better.

statistics pulled right out of your ass, you mean; I would say something else but I feel like I'd be wasting my breath here

Do they have an option to work remotely?

Hi Anne how is life?

yeah, the plan is to do 80% remotely, but for the first month they want me in the office; I don't really mind since I've spent the last two years fully remote and it's not as great as it seems

Don't be mad polefren. You are reacting very emotional to a simple fact. Are you on your period?

could've asked me if I'm on my period; what a wasted opportunity

But I asked this.

your sneaky edits don't count, pumpkin

I'm just dealing with your criticism in a constructive manner. You should appreciate this.

A girl.... AND a coder? Whoa mama! Hummina hummina hummina bazooooooooing! *eyes pop out* AROOOOOOOOGA! *jaw drops tongue rolls out* WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF *tongue bursts out of the outh uncontrollably leaking face and everything in reach* WURBLWUBRLBWURblrwurblwurlbrwubrlwburlwbruwrlblwublr *tiny cupid shoots an arrow through heart* Ahhhhhhhhhhh me lady... *heart in the shape of a heart starts beating so hard you can see it through shirt* ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum *milk truck crashes into a bakery store in the background spiling white liquid and dough on the streets* BABY WANTS TO FUCK *inhales from the gas tank* honka honka honka honka *masturabtes furiously* ohhhh my gooooodd~

what else would you like to be appreciated for?

Visit me in germany, honey, then you will experience and appreciate me for my p rogramming skills

only if you have some pull requests for me to merge

Babe, I would assign some tickets to you that will blow your mind. After a single sprint with me you can't walk for days.

I can show you design patterns that will make your c ode SOLID as a rock.

you certainly seem eager to fill up my backlog

Whatcha developing?

you two should merge branches

I'll be adding new features to a system for a client (won't say more because I'm paranoid)

 

this week my mentor-dude (who actually turned out to be okay, so idk what his deal was during the interview) had me sitting in on a lot of meetings with said client; I've also been reading docs and setting stuff up & attended some more training; still haven't written a single line of code

 

one thing that I've noticed is they (or should I say "we"?) need more staff, because some people complain they have too many tasks; if that's true and they have me working overtime too often then I'll quit after a year; we'll see, either way I wanted to add this company to my resume

 

everyone is nice and no one has given me shit for not being sociable

 

I wanted to eat my food in the kitchen annex and doubled back because I heard people in there; happened twice this week; I don't know why I'm writing this, maybe some Bernd will relate (or make fun of me, I don't mind)

 

scary security guy actually smiled at me yesterday

 

tea-guy is still staring but when I look back he looks away

 

that's it

That's literally every codegarch job. The secret is to not get stressed about it. It's the managers job to prioritize properly and to take the blame if he doesn't do it properly. It's not your problem and they can't expect you to work overtime for bad planning. If you start to get stressed about deadlines and stuff you'll just make errors that will bite you in the arse later. No release is and will ever be bug free and there will always be a next release for the feature/fixes.

guess you're right; I can always quote labor law if the manager tries to pull a fast one on me

So you are doing outsource work then?

 

What kind of project planning approach does your company use (if any)?

I work directly for the company that hired me, but some stuff is outsourced to a third party; we're using scrum

In scrum you estimate yourself how much time you require for a ticket and hence how many tickets you can manage in ans sprint. How is it possible for them to give you too much work

We have introduced our own time management system today:

- 8-10 work days per task

- 2 hours per day of unregulated activity (urgent bug fixes or meetings or whatever)

- 1 day of unregulated activity after a task completed,

- unlimited time for research when needed.

 

Pretty sweet innit?

that's what I asked and I guess they feel pressured to take on more than they should and then they complain (seems like their fault for not having a backbone)

 

wake up Bernd

what do u mean?

I work completely unregulated. We don't have to book time on tickets at all. Also we don't estimate times for tickets.

I recently had a ticket that I worked on for over a year along with the typical stuff on the side. I booked 1000 hours on it just for the fun of it. I typically just get the responsibility to work on a feature myself. I don't know if this is better than you, though. Especially that 1000h ticket was too big for a single person and I would have hoped that the managers would have contributed something themselves.

Why u no into planned economy how Rushka says? You don't know its road for success?

We have lots of people on several different teams and strict deadlines to meet, this will never work.

 

Good on you, I think you're lucky.

tea was poisoned

how would you know? unless...

I know that feel. Sometimes when I make my way to the covfefe machine and see someone there I turn back 360° and go to the other kitchen so I can avoid the awkward silence while waiting to fill up my cup. Also when I want to use the elevator and someone is already in front of it I just go to the toilet for some time in hopes that I can use the elevator alone when I'm finished.

do you think the other person also feels the awkwardness?

I do think so. Most of my coworkers are socially inept nerds as well.

I work for the government and an expert on, let's say, certain substances.

is by any chance one of those substances polonium-210?

tea guy was in today and HE'S STILL FUCKING STARING

Don’t blame him. He is probably imagining your future together.

I'm pretty sure his future is all set with his wife and kid

There is nothing wrong in looking at beautiful things.

omg Bernd, you can't just say that

Snufkin likes to look at beautiful things and store them in his memory. That way they are always with him.

Colleagues want me to rename a variable because they don't know that "left" also means "remaining".

My manager and my project leader got into their positions by building a prototype full of technical debt and bringing it onto the market. Now they are too important to fix their shit and a I have to suffer with it.

Rightfully so!

 

They've created value. They basically brought in the money you are feeding on now. What are you even doing all day, where are new features? Client stories are piling up, why are you re-doing their brilliant work?

 

My condolences. How far gone is it?

Lel, sounds like the project I received best wagie of the year prize for.

proofs

I bet it will never be fixed

I could get it fixed in ~2 years with some help but I already suffered a lot last year and I don't think that I'm willing to do it, myself. Also first I would have to beg to get the time to even fix everything myself. Talked to the manager and he want the team leader to fix it himself. But I already wrote a lot of tickets for him over a year ago and he did none of them. Also I doubt that he is even capable of writing maintainable c# code, himself. I have never seen worse code than his.

 

I don't want to change companies, because the company itself is really good. I could maybe change departments but then I have to go through all the effort to get to know all the shit that other department has produced.

Is is Gonsky. Your only hope there is to become a manager yourself.

literally everywhere you go will be full of tech debnt. if you're in a company you like then stay there

It does not work like that. The project already produced one manager and one project leader last year. It takes quite a bit of growing until it could create more leader positions.

 

Probably. I might just go into low effort mode and stay away from the terrible parts. I just wish I could happily program against.

Programming is gay.

I started eating breakfasts in the kitchen annex but then a guy from another department noticed I do it every day at the same time and he started joining me; he kept talking to me and asking questions and I was so flabbergasted by him being nice that I went back to eating by my desk; it's a good thing I'll be mostly remote next month; also, tea guy changed his schedule so he'll be at the office the same time as me

 

I guess you do a lot of programming then

Why don't you try to befriend them?

Causing such positive reactions in other people is something most Bernds could only dream of.

I'm re-writing tests at the moment. PM didn't like them.

 

Gotta do it at the evening because I held a meeting today explaining a complicated system to a group a colleagues for an hour.

Maybe if you wouldn't have made your system that complicated you wouldn't have to spend time explaining it to other people. Have you thought about that?

Yes, hundreds of times when I was developing it. The evil PM made me make it complicated for performance reasons.

 

We really love performance here in the C++ realm

I won't befriend tea guy because he's just staring and it makes me feel weird; as for the other guy - why would he want to be friends with me? it's not that I think I don't deserve kindness, but he doesn't know me and what reason could he possibly have to go out of his way to be nice to me? we don't even work on the same things so it's not like I can help him with stuff; I don't know, I'm a weirdo and I have issues; also, friends require time and energy and you need to make accommodations in your life for them and I don't want to do that

 

please tell me they pay you for overtime or let you take some hours off later

 

C++ it's basically C + gayness, but it's not the gayest of languages

Correct, yes.

Because it is good to have frens in the company that you work for. Being with a fren makes the time spent there more enjoyable.

Sound more like the other way around. In your eyes he does not deserve your kindness so you try to avoid him. But I get it that it might get kind of annoying when everybody tries to get into your pants all the time. Still it is complaining on a bretty high level.

I'm doing him a kindness by leaving him alone, believe me; and I am flattered by your assessment, but no one is trying to get into my pants

Then why do people stare at you or try to be nice to you? Out of pity?

why wouldn't they be nice? no one wants to foster conflict or hostility at work

But people starting to change their schedules just to be with you seems a little excessive, don't you think? In my experience you have a very short time window when you meet people for the first time in which you must establish that you are sociable. Otherwise you will get ignored immediately. There must be something special about you.

 

Btw how much do you earn as a codegarch on the poland?

that's just one person and I don't think he's completely normal so we probably shouldn't draw any conclusions based on his behavior; btw today he was staring again while I was eating to I took my things to the annex and then got stuck listening to my boss' overly long rant about people getting summoned for military exercises by the army; my breakfast buddy stuck his head inside for a second, smiled and then disappeared

 

I'm not special, but I am very laid back so maybe I seem likeable and I'm new there so it's exciting for them, idk; I also heard that I look scared (I'm not, that's just my face) so maybe they feel bad for me

 

I'm making 8k PLN now, and that's with under 2 years of experience

 

oh and by the way, I'm not sociable and I don't want friends, why is that weird

You also complained in another thread about some shithole cunt that the people there were always staring at you. So that means there is something worth staring at.

It is fine. Keep your secrets. But be aware that I'll keep my eyes on. Always.

 

and yet you visit ans imageboard daily to interact with other loners. The bane of bernd is that he craves for social interaction yet hates it at the same time.

I have had people do similar things to me, try to befriend me during lunch at work or at company events, and I always distance myself too.

Honestly it is just exhausting to talk to people, so if there isn't anything tangible that I'm going to get out of it, it isn't worth the effort to me.

I'm just not interested in talking to dudes irl. The only way I would ever be social is if it was with an attractive female and there was an extremely high chance of having sex.

Why is it exhausting?

That I couldn't tell you definitely.

I'm sure you're aware of the old observation that "extroverts gain energy from conversation, introverts expend energy in conversation" but it really doesn't answer why.

There's also the more controversial observation that "introverts are just failed extroverts" and I suspect that might have something to do with it.

 

When it comes to online, text-based conversation, I find it stimulating and something I voluntarily do as leisure. I find the written word to be a clarifying way to organize my thoughts and a rewarding way to express them.

When it comes to the spoken word, irl sociability, it's the complete opposite. I find it jumbled, confusing, overwhelming, unsatisfying, and usually accompanied by lots of negative emotions.

 

I think maybe the reason introverts feel that socializing drains their energy is because there is an underlying current of personal shame that they are always defending against or trying to conceal and that vigilance drains them. That's my theory.

I believe this is usually only the case if you don't know the person that you are talking to very well. In case of your colleagues you would get eventually used to them and stop caring or possibly even enjoy it if you went with them for lunch. If you avoid them at all costs you will never reach that state.

Especially at work I found that I suffer more from trying to avoid contact with other people than stop thinking about it and just getting it over with.

I think another factor is that the favourit topic for most people is their personal life and it requires a certain amount of interest in their life to engage in discussion with that person.

 

I think many interoverts simply don't take interest in the life of other people, so entry into a discussion with a stranger becomes really hard.

 

Though I think that's only a partial aspect.

go ahead, I'm very good at intense eye contact

 

does it count as a social interaction if I'm doing it while sitting at home alone? and if I'm tired of it then I can just close tab? you can't do that irl; besides, Bernds are relatable and they understand; also, it doesn't hurt that no one knows who I am so I can say whatever I want and no one will think less of me

 

don't know about the shame part, but being sociable really is draining; guess our brains are wired differently and not in a way society favors

 

that's true; to make friends with someone you have to care, and it has to be genuine

In internet years, I'm an old man now (mid 30s).

The older I get, the less novelty there is for me in the world.

Novelty is what gives life its vivacity, it's what forms the substance of our memories, it is the ether within which our spirits move. We seek it and crave it, without it we die, time begins to flow faster, we accelerate towards our death, towards the great final novelty. And I mean real novelty, not sampling "delightful burned chicken ass" in Taiwan. Novelty cannot be consumed. It is too bright, it hurts too much, it scars us, it burdens us. It scrapes away pieces of us until nothing is left. This is the reason all memories are sad. Sad memories are sad, but happy memories are sad too in a way, because they remind us of the pieces of ourselves that have been lost. Novelty is our lifeblood yet it contains within it the seeds of our own nemesis and our own undoing, for each touch with it ages us, like flying too close to the sun/god/burning bush. That's our curse as mere mortals, we have a limited capacity for it before we are burned away.

 

In the absence of novelty, I no longer see magical instances and divine phenomena but rather patterns of repetition. How much magic is there in the world for the clear eyes of a child? How much romance is there in the world for the overflowing heart of an adolescent? How much adventure is there for the grandiose mind of a young man?

A person who was so interesting to me in my teens now I recognize as just a manifestation of a type. And I see this type and that type everywhere. And they all say the same things, wear the same expressions, cry the same tears, laugh the same laugh. Nietzsche would say that although he has heard the same laugh from a thousand different throats, it's still the most beautiful laugh he has ever heard. I just can't commit to that level of masculine virility, I've already waned, I already have one foot out the door.

Love is an obsession with a person. But what happens when people no longer exist? There's nothing left to love. And without love, without passion, there's nothing in this world to believe in, thus no reason to engage with it. Even if it were mechanistically possible for me to become more comfortable, there's still no payoff in doing so. I can't fall in love.

So as you can see, my problem really is that I love people too much and too seriously, and that's why I don't talk to them.

Well, that's how I feel. I've contradicted myself enough for one post. Maybe one day I will realize I am full of shit, but I think not.

 

 

Here are the words of your second-greatest countryman on a theme not exactly the same but closely related -

The pain of life that haunts our narrow way

I cannot shed with this or that attire

Too old am I to be content with play

Too young to live untroubled by desire

What comfort can the shallow world bestow?

Renunciation! - Learn, man, to forego!

This is the lasting theme of themes

That soon or late will show its power

The tune that lurks in all our dreams

And the hoarse whisper of each hour

Yet each new day I shudder when I wake

With bitter tears to look upon the sun

Knowing that in the journey he will make

None of my longings will come true, not one.

To see the tendrils of my joys that start,

Cankered with doubts, the mind's self-conscious tares

To feel creation stir a generous heart

Only to fail before life's mocking cares

And when soft night has shrouded all the West

My anxious soul will beg her peace supreme

But still I lie forsaken, for my rest

Is shattered by the wildness that I dream

The god who dwells enthroned within my breast

Can stir my inner vision's deepest springs

But he who binds my strength to his behest

Brings no command to sway external things.

Thus life has taught me, with its weary weight,

To long for death, and the dear light to hate.

- Faust to Mephistopheles, from Goethe's Faust

If you would see the world as clearly as you describe you wouldn't feel uncomfortable interacting with other people. The only thing that makes you feel uncomfortable is your inability to control how other people perceive you. These insecurities make you overthink everything you do and make your interactions so exhausting. You just got comfortable in your own bubble and now look for excuses not to leave it.

This might have sounded nice while you wrote it but is just meaningless melancholic bullshit. I hate philosophers for posts as yours. Since you fear that your statements would sound too simple if you just wrote them down as they are you have to hide everything behind a facade of complicated words and strange analogies.

Fair enough, I will take my leave of you. I don't wish to burden you with hate. I should say that you haven't exactly shown me the value of other people.

If anything, your post seems like a massive reinforcement of mine, in an ironic way. I'm not sure you are able to perceive that.

is there a more demoralizing humiliation ritual than a job interview? you are basically admitting to being broke and begging at the feet of some HR roastie to throw nickels at your feet while you tapdance for your supper

my visit in the occupational medicine physician's office was way more humiliating than that interview; but maybe that's because the doctor was rude and borderline inappropriate

 

also, I imagine that getting summoned to a military office is more humiliating because from what I've hear they make you strip to your undies and check if you're fit enough to become cannon fodder, it's like you're cattle or something

Uhh, you're supposed to pretend you can get a much better paying job somewhere else.

The only job interviews I ever had (I had 100% hiring rate so far btw) were with the team/department boss. No HR involved.

That only applies for your first job. When you alreay have a job and apply for a better one it is way more relaxed.

Even if you just got your first job rationally you should apply for another one at once because you will get way better conditions if you apply from a position in which you already have a job.

What? You have to go to the doctor to get a codegarch job in Poland? What did they check for?

 

In my case the doctor was an older female and she touched my balls to check for testicular cancer. This was a first for me that a female touched my balls so it was kind of nice.

yeah, but that's for everyone, they just check different things depending on the job description; if you work with computers for more than 4 hours per day then they give you an eye exam and that's it; there's also a short interview with another doctor who basically just checks the results from the eye doc and gives you the stamp of approval; my doctor turned out to be an older lady who asked bunch of weird question about my reproductive health which has nothing to do with my job, go figure; then you have a mandatory exam every 5 years

 

I'm glad it was nice and not humiliating; were her hands warm?

sounds pretty useless but ok.

 

Hard to remember it was more than 10 years ago. The only thing I can remember is that I could feel that she wore gloves. So it wasn't skin to skin contact which lessened the ball touching experience. Also I was preoccupied the whole time witch how I could appear more unhealthy than I was since I didn't want to go to the military.

In the end I didn't have to go because I have a low count of white blood cells in my blood.

what was your plan for looking unfit for the military? has your blood improved since then?

When she looked at my back and told me to lean over I acted like my back hurts badly. I have bretty bad scoliosis so I thought that if I acted like my back was already ruined i would be unfit. But it didn't end up in the final report so I did nothing. Blood has been like this always. It is genetic. But it does not do anything to my overall health so whatever.

 

In the end I don't know if it wouldn't have been good to go to the military for ans year. Most people I talked to didn't regret it.

 

I hope the salary is worth it