RIP
Welcome to the dogless club.
my first dog just died
He was euthanized today at 2 PM
He was 16 years old, a medium sized dog that just got too old
It got to a point where he couldn't eat sleep and had trouble breathing, it was decided that the most humane thing to do was to put him down.
He could barely walk in the end, it was a sad sight to see. It more than anything to me is a chapter of my life that is now over, it's time to grow up and become a man.
He lived a good life with plenty of love, good food and daily walks.
I'm still going to miss small things like having his fur be all over your clothing after petting him, and the way he got excited when you came back from being outside.
I can't help but feeling that I could have done more to improve his life, though, but I guess it's a feeling that is normal after having lost a pet that was so close to you. I don't think I'm going to have another dog, I'm not going to replace him with some other dog I feel that it's a cold thing to do. I keep thinking of the amount of time he spent alone in the house while everyone were out and had to do stuff, I kind of blame myself for this happening but there was no other choice. Maybe I'm just overthinking it.
I went through that about 4 months ago. It's definitely one of the worst feelings out there.
I was right in the middle of a very stressful and important engineering project for uni. I came home to visit my family for a weekend. She was fine when I got there, pretty happy and excited. Then at midnight, she started breathing funny and died. I hated that I got to watch her die. Even though she died quickly, watching her panic as she slowly struggled to breathe was the worst.
And then the next day, we had to move the body. I never realized how heavy she was, nor did I realize how stiff bodies get when they've freshly died.
I dunno. I think still to this day it has kind of fucked with me. I never had a great relationship with mortality before, and I sure as shit don't have a great relationship with it now either. I miss her calming presence. I miss walking into the house and smelling the unmistakable smell of dog. She was the coolest dog I've ever known.
It gets easier. Days will pass and it will hurt less and less. But yeah. It sucks, especially when you've got no one to talk about it with.
It just isn't fair that creatures so pure have to go through such things. I am especially left with regret because I was away for most of his life, he managed to live without me though, and even when he died I was not able to be present. I would have allowed him to walk without a leash on and taken his collar off, I wanted him to live his golden years as free as possible and reminiscent of how he was a puppy. I remember vividly the first time he was put on a collar, he didn't like it very much. Every time I was within his presence I made sure to pet him around the collar that made an imprint on his fur, I never liked collars on him because at first it made him uncomfortable. There were so many examples of where I could have given him more freedom than I did and I feel bad for not giving it to him. One recent example was when we were walking around with him and my parents, he wanted to stick his head out of the window in the car, and I only opened it a little bit instead of all of the way, a freedom that many dogs have had. I feel like I could have done more, he deserved more because honestly I don't think I'll ever be getting a dog as good as him, even if the idea popped up in my head.
I've always felt bad restraining him in any way whatsoever, but he was a family dog and the decision wasn't solely mine, even though I was the one who picked him and named him.
There's a lot of "what ifs" and "I should have done betters" in life, and this is no exception. With hindsight, sure, you could have done it differently. But just because you could have done it differently (like the collar, window, etc), that doesn't mean that those moments were bad for him. Life is imperfect, but that doesn't mean we don't enjoy the happiness in those flawed moments.
From the sounds of it, he seemed like he was loved, and that's the important part. He most likely treasured those moments with you, even if he was wearing a collar, or couldn't get the full window experience.
