I make daily to-do lists.
What is the most autistic thing you have done, either in public or private?
Too numerous to count.
The one that comes to mind was the diarrhea with the dental student.
Before I met my wife and leeched off of her health insurance and benefits, I had almost no money and couldn't afford a dentist. By an act of God I had two fillings come out at one time so I had to see a dentist ASAP. A grad student whom I worked with suggested that I could go to the University dental school since it was really cheap and offered a high quality of care. An experienced dental student does the work under the supervision of a professor so it's also expertly done. The only downside is that appointments take several hours. It is hard to get timely appointments if you just call the office, however if you contact a dental student directly you can get an appointment quickly. This grad student/my coworker gave me the number of a dental student and said she was really good.
This dental student turned out to be this really beautiful Japanese-American girl from Hawaii. Like painfully beautiful; without hyperbole probably one of the most attractive people I have ever met. I was very aware of how awful I looked and how awkward I was every time I met her. It was easy to talk to her, and we were able to chat quite a bit since we had to wait for her supervisors to come and check off on her performance. At this time of my life I had depression that waxed and waned and I was thus really funny and made her laugh a lot. This dental student was also really good to boot and I haven't had as nice a teeth cleaning yet (or a filling fall out) since I quit going to the dental clinic. The dental work that had to be done was actually quite extensive in my mouth, as three fillings had come out and not two, so I would have to have several appointments to get it all done.
After the first appointment I told my coworker how hot this dental student was and how uncomfortable it made me. My coworker kept telling me I should ask her out or get her personal cell phone number, not her Google Voice number, but I could never do it. My coworker was taking her daughters to the same dental student, and this dental student always asked about me every time, which my coworker told me was a sign she was somewhat interested in me at least. I didn't believe her. My second and third appointments went well, and she filled in two of my cavities. I had just one more cavity left and thus one more appointment. My coworker then told me that she had just had a dental appointment and this dental student was going on about something I had told her for about five minutes, and my coworker was telling me that I had to ask her out or something, because she was clearly very interested
During this time of my life I was also having serious diarrhea like every day due to the fact I was drinking heavily. During one of my daily diarrhea sessions I got a notification on my phone that I had a dental appointment in fifteen minutes. The dental school was across town so I would never make it. I thus decided to call her with a bullshit excuse. Whenever I got to her voicemail I started mumbling about how I had severe food poisoning and couldn't leave my apartment much less my toilet and I was doubled over with pain, and there was no way I could sit in a dentist chair for hours without going to the bathroom every five minutes due to my diarrhea.
Why? I don't know. Immediately after I put down the phone and walked back to my office I realized that we had rescheduled my appointment to two weeks from now, and that I just hadn't changed the Outlook event. My body erupted into sweat and I hoped that she wouldn't notice. She did. Thirty minutes later in a call I can still replay in my mind she laughed very, very, very awkwardly that we had rescheduled my appointment and that she would see me in a few weeks. I told my coworker what happened and she just looked at me like I was a total fucking idiot-she didn't say a single word and just shook her head.
Our remaining appointments were much quieter and she didn't ask my coworker about me ever again.
