henlo frens
Please prepare for an actual autismal shitpost.
I was so happy when this Bernd group surfaced, and then I left it alone because it felt too good to be true, and now here it is, healthy and alive. I feel so thankful and cozy reading it. Thank all of you.
That being said, my emotions are in disarray. It was often a matter on jokes on the kc, but I have since learned that I actually "have autism", meaning that thinking about normies is not merely being an edge Lord, but a categorization that the normies themselves happily apply as soon as they learn that a ~convention~ says I'm actually different than they are.
I had learned to deal with society quite nicely on a superficial level, but never learned to make friends. Even my family relations are all on the level "ok, friendly and polite".
I know that there are people around who feel like I do. The occasional fellow nerd, as I have met a few times in my life, where you suddenly see someone and just knows he is of your kind. In the early Internet, they were plenty, and the web was the place to find each other, but that has changed, as we all know.
Now I only know a tiny handful of non-normies, and a vast majority of them even reject that notion, they devote their life to still finding a place in the Normie world. As do I, however, I still try to stay conscious in my non-beloging, whereas their strategy is to make a shell out of themselves. Pre-Diagnosis, I was there too, and it lead to a depression that almost killed me.
Now I am slowly rediscovering the patterns that defined my "weirdness" when growing up, and always look for ways to embrace them in a way that doesn't cause outright contempt by Normies. However, I'm also aware that most Normies will just flat out never be interested in interacting with me as a person and will always just perceive me as a cog in their world more or less faulty, because the social games they require in order to have a personal connection with someone are too tedious for me.
Everyday, I internally weep at my solitude, and as well about that of all the possible friends who, by mere matter of probability, must be all around me, but have been conditioned to hide away by the Normie society. But even if they showed themselves, it would not mean friendship - it would just open up a group of humans like Normies are exposed to every second of their waking life, in which I can start to look for friends.
Oh well. The cozy way of this place gives me hope that in anonymity, there is a tiny pocket of us weirdos here. I will just blend in quietly, make a shitpost here and there, just like in the olden days, and be happy. Thank you brent
28. I mean I suspected it before in countless "le assburger" thredas, but since the diagnosis criteria plastered everywhere are confusing at best and I also associated autism with disability, I figured I wasn't really clinically autism.
Turned out I was, on all accounts of a clinical test. Lel
It helped tremendously because it thought me that all the Normies I had spend the last few years being part of ("ok, stop being a special snowflake, socialize properly") are actually measurably different in a way even they would enthusiastically agree on. (I, for one, think they are the ones with deficits - but to each their own)
Actually the first FEEL I got was one of immense relief and belonging. It enabled me to immediately drop my recent struggles to fit into the Normie world - that have lately caused me to crash and burn mentally and doubt myself fundamentally. Now I know that something specific is "wrong" with me and that it's not really "wrong" at all and that people will even react nicer if I keep my "specialness" in mind and act accordingly authentically, instead of trying to be like them and failing miserably.
It feels like the coziest, most wondrous part of childhood :3
Most autistics who are not also intellectually impaired are based. I suspect the amount of autists in literature to be staggering. Or any researcher who really burns for his field.
Additionally, I now work at what might be the nerdiest place in town - and finally, when walking through the building daily, about 30% of people I see are like me - for me, it looks like they actually have life in their eyes and apparently, they feel the same. Even seeing someone like this on the street was incredibly rare beforehands. And here, even the Normies are much more acceptant about the nerd ways - probably because their workplace is really specific and nerdy to begin with.
It's like I'm home finally
