Happy for you bernd.
Girlies don’t like me but it’s okay, I keep myself happy by sticking to rituals.
I have a tinder date coming up on wednesday and will meet for coffee with a fellow uni student who was out of town for an internship. It looks like after literal months without any kind of human contact besides going to the supermarket I will have a little social life again.
Anyway, tomorrow is the tinder date. Wish me luck, Bernds. The girl is very athletic and seems tall on the pics. In conversation she is really nice, but maybe a bit bland/shy. We'll see how IRL interaction goes.
Gonna shower and clip my fingernails now. Grilles look at hands of men and having well groomed fingernails is important.
I've used them as well but i consider myself to be a high value male underneath the hobo appearance. They're rubbish even for validation, which is why i use them and i often perceive them as providing an intense and sweet short relationship in the realm of imageboard addiction.
Thank fuck i use them for a week then delete them after an intense binge.
[UPDATE] Tinder date is cancelled/postponed. She said she had some special uni course until 6 and would update me when she is done. Apparently they went way overtime and we agreed to do it next week when she has more time. She also offered a later time this evening, but tbh this didn't fit me at all anymore. I think it is important to stick to my personal schedule, which I need for self-improvement and not falling into a hole of Berndness again, so I didn't throw my personal plans overboard for the sake of a tinder date.
I will try to see what I can set up for the weekend, though.
Coffee with fren tomorrow is still on.
Well... I'll try to set up another date with her for next week. There are also other matches for me to focus on. I'm not going to over-interpret small things like these. It's not a super obvious red flag and we haven't even met in person. I won't get mad or hurt at this stage.
What should I practice?
Did you send the thing about bee slavery to her?
If yes, I don't expect a favourable outcome. My eggsblaining: You haven't established a rapport with each other and she is not familiar with kc memes. Hence, she has no idea how to interpret this. Are you joking or a weird vegan psycho? Since it is probably not all that funny to the outsider, you are a psycho to her.
Irl I keep my mouth shut and am very laconic. As I said I have no personality and I live by the motto that I should not be seen nor heard. Interacting with people is not my thing. And I like it this way. I know no one will respond to me so I feel no shame in shitposting. I will never see these people and I level if I did irl I would keep my mouth shut and my head down like I’ve been taught to act.
Heroin eyes didn't seem thotty, but then again its hard to tell with American women.
When I was brushing my teeth in the city's centre square, a tranny walked up to me, and said something about having brushed his teeth here once before. I didn't know what to make of it, since some schoolgirls were passing by and I was unsure if the dude was hitting on me or not.
After the schoolgirls giggled calling us both faggots, I finished brushing and chased the tranny down to ask for his number.
Tonight I've got a date with a tranny and I plan on playing his guitar.
Yes I understand and I thank that the mask of the internet is present to hide the nature beneath me, but I don't see it as exploitation if he's willing to invite me in and has already propositioned letting me stay. I declined the offer, fearing the judgement of his (possibly) normal roommates. So instead I shall be polite, keep my true feelings of disgust hidden to play a guitar and get to know this person better since I have nothing better to do once the soup kitchen feeds me and the library closes.
I have an update to provide. Before I encountered my new friend, a buddhist monk was walking ahead of me. This caused an schism within me, coming back to remind me later in the night of the path I keep delininating from.
Anyway, the guy is nuts. No surprise about that. Brilliant guy, who's been dealt a caustic hand of cards and uses them as excuses to justify his behaviour and generally be a shitty contrarian asshole against authority yet needs the authority position he holds to feel power. I definitely got a lot of power hungry fantasies coming from him, which didn't surprise me as my initial impressed was fairly on the dot.
He has a good guitar and even showed me a few tricks, which is really cool as I rarely meet good guitarists who're willing to look past their fragile ego, to show me a few tricks. Good stuff.
Today I'm feeling torn inside as I broke a few rules. My idea to abstain from marijuana was cut short as all forms of lust overwhelmed me, collapsing any willpower I've shown in the last few months.
Then I regretfully got a blowie. What a mistake. Turns out I'm not a poof. The entire event really has maken me take a good inward look, but still a valuable lesson nonetheless that I'm glad has shown the shame still residing below the surface is a signal that I shouldn't have ignored.
It was cool discussing philostaphee, even if he's a self-described anarchist/marxist/blahblahblah. What I disliked what his grandiose ego trying to categorize me within his mysticism. Also the wicka/drug usage sickened me.
inb4 he reads this and have to deal with a stalker
And his roommates are furries, and other undesirables. Fugging hell what a night.
Another human interaction has occured:
I was walking in my local park at midnight. Some groups of young people were still partying there. Suddenly a guy walks parallel to me, very energetically, and comes to close to me that he brushes my shoulder. I'm uncomfortable because he is getting so close and he acts in a way that I assume is to bully me or to provoke a confrontation with me. So I say to him:
- Are you looking for trouble? [In German. He answers in English.]
- No man. We're just looking for love. Do you also want some love?
- Not from you.
Then he moves away from me, says something I don't understand and goes back to his friends.
I rate this interaction as very negative. It made me anxious and I felt it was probably an aggression against me. Maybe I could have handled this in a less confrontational way, but another part of me wishes I had acted a few seconds earlier and demanded from him not to get so close to me.
