Ban appeals / 103201

Hi /int/ doesn’t want me to post my negative feedback loop thinking there so I will post it here because the board is called /ban/ and I’ve been banned from everywhere else or if I haven’t I should be because I’m a schizo and a low value male. I want to cut my tiny penis off and donate all my money to my favorite onlyfans girl or my oneitwas. I am an alcoholic with no friends and have to come to boards like this at the ass end of nowhere just for social interaction because no one irl or on the internet wants to be around me because I’m so unlikeable. I would kill myself but I’m a retard and would fuck it up and I find it more enjoyable to flagellate myself until my body breaks and donate all my money to my favorite onlyfans actress or oneitwas. I’m so pathetic and my brain is so fucked up. I look like a kohlface irl. Years of negative feedback cycles have trapped me in a personal hell I don’t want to crawl out of because now I’m scared of being happy because it only ends up with me ruining everything again and going back to my nice comfy hole of self pity and self hatred. Anyways I am ready to be banned on all birds now, just like I’m banned off CC and KC and reddit and 4chan and 8chan and everywhere else I go to because I’m too much of a schizo even for them/you.

Bernd2020-10-04 15:35:55 · 6yNo. 103202 reply

Forget onlyfans, pay for my tuition.

Also, social interaction is a tad bit overrated. Let me level with you, I ain't got friends, and I haven't had them for at least 5 years. But hot damn, building shit / programming makes me very happy. Find your autistic hobby / passion, and pursuing that passion will make life a lot less shit.

Bernd2020-10-04 15:56:54 · 6yNo. 103203sagereply

>>103202

I will level with you, I get no joy out of anything in life. The closest thing I can call joy is the feeling of being useful obtained while working. I don’t work because of the pay, I work because I want to feel needed by someone because my brain can’t connect the circuits that make me feel comfortable with myself (ie being confident, having passion for something etc).

It has been like this as far back as I can remember. My dad used to yell at me and ask when I would develop ambition in life and it never happened. Nothing I ever did or tried signaled “this is great!” In my head.

When it came time for university I spent 2 years undecided and had to take a fifth year all due to me never having passion in anything I studied. I eventually just chose a major and specialized and that worked out well for me as I chose a lucrative specialization, and that’s what I spent the energy people typically spend on their passions toward.

Bernd2020-10-04 22:11:10 · 6yNo. 103207sagereply

You are not a "low value male". You are just a schizo and should seek professional help instead of posting annoying threads.

Bernd2020-10-04 22:14:03 · 6yNo. 103208 reply

>>103207

Being schizo IMPLIES low value!

Actually there is one thing that I enjoy and that is self flagellation, self deprecation, self hatred, repeating the same bullshit to myself over and over until I get banned, overall coming across as a pathetic weirdo who loves to complain and piss people off! For some reason this alone is something I really enjoy doing, I enjoy people hating me because I’m a negative person

Bernd2020-10-05 00:01:31 · 6yNo. 103215 reply

>>103208

>low value!

You are the person that hates yourself the most. To us, you are just a little bit annoying. If you want to spend the rest of your life sad and angry, so be it.

Bernd2020-10-05 00:41:11 · 6yNo. 103220 reply

ban board is for ban appeals

Bernd2020-10-05 11:07:32 · 6yNo. 103242sagereply

>>103208

I think that you are enjoying this because it was your only option for a while and you started to like it as a way of coping with it. The same way men with small penises enjoy small penis humiliation. Now you are too lazy or cowardly to change yourself and choose to live an existence that is both sad for yourself and annoying for everyone else.

It is possible to change yourself and it is possible to change your mind. Either with help or even alone.

That's the last reply from me. Get better and/or get out.