no

it wasn't detailed

I imagined killing school bullies so often until I realised that I had to kill the retard faggot that I was and become a man.

Why would I? It's always possible to get rid of people you don't like without killing them.

Sometimes you also want to get rid of them for others, not just for yourself.

Then you'd better cooperate with them and (if they want that too) you'll find a legal way to do it.

Sometimes it just feels good

Not really. I thought about killing myself a few times. And there was a neighbour who made so angry I wanted to tear his face off. But I never seriously considered either of those possibilities.

 

That's just sad, but I can see the psychological mechanism behind your decision. Sometimes, it's easier to blame yourself for an offence received, because at least it gives you some power over the situation. The alternative is admitting that the world isn't fair and bad things can happen to good people, and this can be really hard to accept for most people.

I only killed tons of fish

I have plan to kill myself

nice doubles, go ahead

It's actually not so much time left for us, just 20-30 years and we'll disappear like there was none of us, and in few decades no one will even remember that we existed.

But it was you whomst'd've received the doubles

I also noticed that I don't like killing that fish but something deep inside me felt deep satisfaction of that hunter instinct and it appeared as a sweet feeling into the stomach. Every time I catch the fish I don't want it's death, but it gives me satisfaction that nothing else can give and I go to that fucking river again and again just to find a pike and make a fish soup from it. I think it's not very healthy. But sometimes when it's +5C and heavy rain falls all day long I think "wow that's the best pike weather" and I go to my fishing places and try to catch the fish being absolutely wet, feeling cold and being in darkness surrounding me.

Also this year I caught 3 kg salmon and it was my dream for a long time

Literally seral killer behaviour. I think they feel the same.

Kids and teenagers are just ruthless animals, they will pick up any sign of weakness and punish you for it. School is like prison, you either have to join some Latino or Neonazi gang for protection or beat up the toughest looking kid on first school day to gain respect. I don't know how I managed to barely get bullied, I think it was because I was playing football despite being girlish Bernd tier guy. I once even protected some younger kid from a bully my age who was trying to impress the girl he was hanging out with but a total pussy, bodychecked him to the ground with a 20m sprint charge

That's different, you kill to eat, maybe the process of surviving and taking care of yourself gives you satisfaction, but probably not so much the power over pointlessly ending a life just because

yeah, but despite being a random meaningless thing in space this world has countless cool things to offer, try, do and explore... many of them created by our ancestors so i'll enjoy my time here and make the best out of it

 

perhaps I can contribute too

Well it's not like I don't have food. I can spend much money for fishing gear than actual price of the caught fish. I just like the process.