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I'm a semi-bernd. I'm not really a keinbernd, but I have managed to get laid before and I haven't given up on life. My last phase of being on dating apps was not very succesful. I managed to get one date per week for a couple of months, but they didn't lead anywhere and then my matches dried up again. Since there aren't any good alternatives atm to get laid or gf, I will go back to dating apps. But I want to prepare the best way I can and if there is interest I will keep you updated. If not I'll stop posting about it. Anyway, so here is phase 1):
- Getting good photos -
There are a bunch of photos I have used on dating apps and I noticed vastly different success rates depending on which pictures I used. (Text descriptions were also different but I'm not sure how much they mattered.) For example a picture shot by a professional photographer seemingly doubled my matched, a picture with a cute dog quadrupled my matches.
Photos are the single most important factor for getting matches and the first important step. There are a bunch of guidelines on how to take good pictures and even empirical data about what kind of pictures lead to matches (I will elaborate in an upcoming post). But for now I want to recommend photofeeler.com as a way to test the attractiveness of the pictures you already have. I will test all pictures I have and take new ones and test them, until I have 3-4 pictures that are rated above average in attractiveness.
In the next step I will research which kind of picture is best for online dating, how to take such pictures and maybe go a bit into editing photos. (By that I mean cropping, adjusting lighting etc, not changing the face or things like that.)
Any thoughts so far?
Pictures never portray you 100% realistically, anyway. And if you have 3-4 different pictures, I think someone will still get a somewhat realistic view of what you look like without catfishing.
I'm also trying to improove the way I look irl, though. I have started doing a skincare routine, which also just makes me feel nicer. And having a fresh haircut and trimmed beard vastly improoves my looks.
So you really want to be reduced to your looks and be chosen only by them?
This alone is a reason why I never even downloaded a single dating app.
I'm not a product in a supermarket that people choose based on its package and price tag, and I also don't want to find my love that way.
I can not imagine that long lasting and happy relationships are born on these apps, at least not many.
Nah, but looks are always the first step and being attractive has benefits outside the dating world, too. With photofeeler and skills around taking and editing pictures, I will be able to make more professional pictures of myself for business purposes and find ways to improve my looks irl. Attractive people get more promotions, earn more, etc.
I also want to improve my personality, but that will be a more difficult project. And in the world of online dating, looks come first and then personality, which is what texting and dates are for.
However, I agree that dating apps are inefficient and overall not a very good investment of time. But in the present situation I don't see any other way to make meaningful connections with women. And in the past I have managed to get a very nice fwb for a while and got a friend from using tinder.
Once the opportunity for more real life interactions arises, I will go there, too.