>Why choose eternal suffering if you don't have the power to change it?
Can't believe someone from 1-st world country don't have power to exchange wish to die on something more pleasant.
You don't have state assigned gf, but you surely have state assigned psychologist. If case is severe, maybe state assigned psychiatrist. In group therapy these things works, most of the time. Depression curable. And if not, at least you can get some solace.